It rarely surprises us if a RL friend hasn’t contacted us in a week. Sometimes I can even go a month without speaking to some friends. But when an Internet friend (SL, Plurk, Tumblr, Facebook, Omgpop, whatever) goes ‘missing’ for a couple of hours, countless panic buttons are pressed.

Personally, I feel slightly smothered by that fact, especially because I have been worried like that before and it scares me to know that I’d feel that way. I need a whole lot of space. When people come too close or stay for too long, I start to feel uneasy. And to have people worry (hypothetically) that something has happened to me seriously scares me. Maybe I just needed to run an errand, or maybe I had somewhere to go in RL, or maybe I have some friends over? In RL, all these are so integrated into your life that you don’t even have to inform someone just in case they’ll be worried. Besides, most of the time, they’re busying doing their own things and not waiting for you to respond to a message.

But perhaps that is the beauty of the Internet. Because no matter how many miles apart you are, you know you can reach somebody with a simple mouseclick. The immediacy is comforting. It doesn’t matter what the other person is doing, because as long as their name blinks to indicate the online status, you know they’re safe.

(This post has been inspired by several friends. )

Some days you open and close the browser multiple times. You click New Post and type a couple of sentences. Then you frown and run the Backspace button over them. You go again. Cursor hovering, words on your lips but they don’t seem to want to be verbalised. It’s as though putting them in print would make them any less significant behind strings of codes and links.

Just wanted to say hello.

What is the biggest leap you have taken recently?

Me? I moved halfway across the world. It was what I wanted. The destination wasn’t my first choice, but somehow I got what I wanted when I was 16. It’s not easy. I’m one of those students who walk around the supermarket looking for the cheapest deals. I buy bread that costs 50p. I eat catered food no matter how bad they look because I’ve already paid for it. I’m having so much fun dressing up everyday. I take about an hour to walk to campus everyday but I get to walk past that beautiful park too. I’m studying what I’m interested in and my faculty is extremely supportive. I’m meeting new people everyday. I’m making small talk as much as I hate it, but that’s what you have to do.

It’s nothing but happy thoughts everyday. I feel like I’ve left all my burdens and unhappiness behind when I made the move.

But when I was on that plane, I cried. This would have been a much happier occasion were you here to celebrate it with me.

(Sorry I haven’t been updating this blog. SL is taking a backseat for now.)

Hope can keep you afloat for a very long time. Not having a definite answer means that there’s always a possibility for things to take a turn.

I have narrowed my slife down to wishing, waiting and hoping. I used to log in at the same hours and wait for good news, but there’s no news to wait for anymore. And I have nothing left to hope for either, knowing that after today there is nothing but a definite answer. I ask myself all the time if things could have been different, but I guess there’s no point asking anymore.

I haven’t been around lately and I don’t have much to say, but…

WHY IS EVERYBODY BECOMING FASHION BLOGGERS??

There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room. It’s like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction – every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it’s really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and that excitement at about a million miles an hour.

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar.

Jealousy’s a bitch, no?

When I was in primary school, my teacher would give us a set of four pictures and we had to write a composition on it. We could write about anything as long as they were related to the pictures, and nothing about aliens or dreams. So when I saw Daila’s plurk about a picture/writing contest, I giggled a little. You can check out the rules in her blog post here. It took me a while to write this and I hope you’ll enjoy reading it (P.S. I was never good at it in primary school, and I’m not sure I’m any better at it now):

There was someone looking at her in the mirror, not that she actually cares. “Take a break,” they kept telling her. It’s time to stop. She could tell they were concerned, but they had no idea what she wanted.

Grudgingly, she put on an outfit and wore a veil over her face. Too much light makes her uncomfortable. Reveals too much. She clenched her left fist, holding tightly onto all that she needed, and left the dreadful place.

As she entered the familiar room, she pulled her hands over her face and sat in silence. What was she doing here? Did she still have what it takes? Was it really time to take a break? Who should she listen to, the others or the voice she calls her own? She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The room was bustling. Telephones were ringing, men in black suits were seated and waiting for instructions. She saw herself behind the desk, her forehead leaning against her palm, trying to figure out how to solve the latest case.

She opened her eyes as she exhaled with a sigh. The agency is not what it was twenty years ago. The crooks don’t even operate the same way now.

She stood up and walked towards the door. Her eyes traced the silhouette on the wall and she smiled weakly, her right fist clutching the only thing she needed now, “I think it’s time.”

Now it’s your turn! Go write me a story!

So I turned blonde. And hid in a corner.

Totally unrelated photo, yes.

Maybe for once I’d like to meet an “I like you” guy. Yes, the kind of guy who like, likes me. The “you made somebody’s night, you made my night” kind of like.  Not the “hi, you’re really cute. Wanna come to my place?” like.

He’d enjoy simple cuddles and not try to hoax me into hopping onto his pink poseball. Not that that’s bad or anything. You see, there’s nothing wrong with that. He says hi, you say hi back, he tells you you’re cute and asks for a cuddle. You say ok and he starts to throw out compliments like it’s a freebie. You have beautiful eyes. I like the way your hair falls on your face. You giggle, he smiles and tries to kiss you. It’s not floating my boat, mister. If you really wanted this, maybe you should have just cut to the chase and said “Do you want to secks?” Yeeeaah, I’m sure that would work just as well.

It’s easy when both of us are hiding behind a computer. You can even scratch your butt as you dish out compliments about my hair. There’s nothing wrong with him, but that’s not what I’m looking for. Imagine the difference this would make: An equally cute guy with a sense of humour, doesn’t care for drama, enjoys teasing and making cute remarks, but can also sit and listen to you or tell you what’s troubling him, whose leg wouldn’t cramp up with you lying on it for hours. I’d add to the list, but then I’d be sharing my Impossible Dream Man with you.

Maybe that’s why the guys on my Friends list don’t talk to me anymore. I have rejected those advances and they’re not here for actual conversations. They don’t even bother to change their clothes. Yes, the same people who can spend thousands of lindens on those talking men parts do not spend a single linden on clothes.

Are you out there, Impossible Dream Man? Or are you just a figment of my imagination?

*Interestingly, after I wrote this post two days ago,  I met somebody from each life (RL and SL) who did not belong to the “Do you want to secks?” category.

Hello, this has been a weird weekend but I can’t quite put a finger on what’s so weird about it. So anyway both lives have been great. Over the weekend I explored a couple of sims that were featured in the Showcase tab. I haven’t done that in ages! To be honest, I kind of forgot about the Showcase tab. No pretty pictures, sorry, I was exploring through lag.

SL never fails to amaze me ever so often. Each time I TP to a new sim, I see something that makes me go “wow!” I know I’ve said this a trillion times, but I really wish I could build and I really want to do something about it. As soon as I get off my lazy bum…

I checked out the Slice of Summer hunt too and it was great fun hunting for watermelons. Well, I kind of cheated and only went to the stores I wanted to get stuff from. Sorry! I know I’m missing out but how on earth do people deal with a 40k inventory?? An 8k inventory is already giving me a headache. Yes, I’ll get to sorting my inventory again soon.

RL has been great too. I’ve been going out more often lately, and I never realised how much I enjoy having company, meeting new people, old friends, old faces I haven’t seen in ages. Here’s to more dinners, ice cream and dancing.

By the way, I miss you.